I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize