the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
