In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
