i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
