He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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