Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
