He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
