that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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