the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
