just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
are you so shy because you have an std?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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