You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
