at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
