Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize