Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
