I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
