she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
