walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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