i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
