The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
