After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
