Say something about gay babies.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Houston, we have a squirter
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
