a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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