Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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