I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
