I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
