george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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