Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
