how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
