I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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