My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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