You're my little dorito
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
