Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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