i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
