i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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