woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
