I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
