There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
