I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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