I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
