i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
