Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
