I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
