I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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