My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
