she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
