I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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