rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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