Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
