Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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