we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
