Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
