So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
