I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
3 2 1 whiskey
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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