I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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