just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
