So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
