So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
