In America we eat man semen.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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