This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
