my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
