my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
