Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think your dad took our porno
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just want to make out with him forever
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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