The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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